Film school , Farts and phlanthropy

I am attending the Film Institute at this really cool college. My teacher is pretty cool, I dig her style and the vibe she has. It's like she is trying to bring back the old school way but in a fresh new sense of vision. I really hope to capture that as well and get my own vision or expression of  how to film.

As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.

Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol

Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...

No matter how hard I try.............

I know it's cliche' but I really can get this guy off my mind. I miss talking to him because we shared similiar interests and  I know he has mad stuff to say that I want to hear. I feel like that was taken from me or stolen maybe. Aish, I wonder if he misses talking to me too...

Wow I guess even the smart ones get Noobed ---

Well after reading my blog and the many posts about this guy I was so into , I realized wow I really liked this guy. And yes ya'll I said LIKED . Yesterday he sends me a very in appropriate text message and at first (because I thought the guy was hot) for a split second my mind went there but then I was like , WTF this is out right disrespectful AND he sent it to me without a second thought. Like so he doesn't give two craps what comes out his mouth when he talks to me nor does he respect me.

WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.

what the hell is wrong with me?

You know not to sound nuts but why do I feel this way about this guy. My heart beats faster when I think of him.  I get warm like I am about to faint at the thought of him kissing me. I want to talk to him everyday and here what he's thinking. I think I am raving freaking mad!!!! It's like a fever , like I can't think straight I can't see straight cause all I see is him.

Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:

I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear

I loved by accident not really love but it could've gotten to that

Due to the fact I think no one reads my blogs I am going to be utterly transparent.  I met a guy , we talked , met and he blew me away. I think this instance I was caught off guard and excercised little to no restraint on myself and let my emotions like whoa just started letting the butterflies carry me away.

Now mind you, this person was available to me as I was him like all the time everyday so on so forth and all of a sudden poof , he disappears. WTH does that mean? Me I am not in HS anymore. If I don't want to talk to you I will politely text or tell you hey man bugger off. So  how come he just stopped? I don't want to guess or assume and being that I never communicated my feelings to this guy I really can't hold him "responsible" for anything.  But it was nice while it lasted right? Cause its all about attitude.

You know I haven't met a guy who can intellectually stimulate or feel me on some things and it felt damn good talking to someone reciprocate what I was giving and be mature about it. Someone who actually  knew what I was talking about. Oh well, the lot is cast in the lap but the disposing thereof is of the LORD's ,  so here I am again waiting.  Where oh where is Elieazer Lord.
But I sure wish I got to at least kiss him. *sigh*  I am sooo conservative lol

Cougars

To my long distance love..I wait for you

The wind whispers in my ear and I lift my head
Awakening my cold heart
Burnt by the fire of love , waiting to be taken
It speaks of what I have asked eternity for
It answers the cries of my heart
It blows the sound of your voice across my ears
My heart quickens and my hope is renewed
Although where you are and where I am
Maybe far, I now know this burning is not in vain
For I will see love face to face
My waiting is not in vain
and the bleeding of my heart healed
From the gentle wind of your thoughts towards me

what a great day I tell ya

Moving on to new things and new horizons . A positive outlook and time to get a budge together. Time to work on my debt snowball. Make more time to spend with the LORD. Here HIS voice.

A poem I dedicate to my unseen love

It takes faith great faith
To love someone you've never met
To think of them
To yearn for them
To sit and wonder what their thinking

Are you thinking of me?
I think of you often
How was your day , what did you eat
How will you react when you see me
Surprised or angry

As the years have gone by
Even when I dated others
I thought of you and felt like I cheated
I am sure you have done the same
If not it's ok , I am still waiting

How much longer will it be?
I don't know but I am anxious
I want to touch your face and brush your lips
I want to feel your arms around me and rest
In your embrace

I want to get lost in your eyes
Forget where I am
I want to be pulled into you
Feel your lips and loose it
Just loose it

I want to know your soul
I want to discern you
Just want to let you know
I thought of you today

The hopeless hopeful romantic

I was driving to work this morning thinking how it will be when I meet someone who truly knocks me off my feet. Not only an attractive guy but someone who pulls on me in a non physical way. I have only met one guy that did that and I know if he even so much as brushed my lips with his I would've fainted.

I wonder if there are other hopeless romantics out there. My definition of a romantic is someone who isn't driven by feelings, serious physical/sexual attraction but driven by something deeper. The romantic whirlwind that drove men to write poetry and women to sigh in agony. Not because your hot in the pants and need to get your rocks off, but because there is this force , this fire , a raging storm that brews within that you just can't seem to put out , but the other person can , they are the remedy.

I for one hope and pray that before JESUS comes back that I can meet the person that does that. I want it like the olden days. Hell I think it would be cool if I met a guy who made me faint and he caught me . Ahh the agony of it ...Well I've been waiting for a long time let's see how much longer it'll be.

Uninvited

Ladies and Gents-

I have really be thinking about that song Alanis Morrisette sings called Univited. It's basically about a man who is pursuing her and she (in her song) is very honest with him and herself (verse. Like any hot blooded woman , I am flattered by your fascination with me) and it got me to thinking  .  The majority of people now a days are not taught the value of each other.  I really think that is why so many relationships fail. What am I saying.....

I have faults we all do, but I have hidden diamond underneath all that coal so how much harder is it for a guy to dig those up and harvest the diamonds while see the shine through the faults right? Same goes for women. I think there is such a lack of vision and I don't mean "I want to be the best artist in the world" type of vision , I mean the kind of when you meet someone you like that you look at them , really look at them and make a decision at that moment whether or not you want to follow through and base it on the hidden gems .

You may ask, well how can you see all that cause people are fake and blah blah blah. It's not hard ya'll you just have to stop and look. I certainly hope to meet such a man, who's vision is clean and pure and can see the ginormous diamond in me waiting for both of us to find it.  Hopeless romantic am I ...........totally  that is the topic of my next blog see you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just stop reminding me

I am a woman. Gave birth twice but during this time of the month I really hate being reminded. Oh the agony ..Anywhoo today is a great day, feeling a little better. I have been really distracted lately and need to seriously get back on track. It felt like life was moving too fast for me the past two weeks and I can't function. Man I need a truck load of coffee and prayer

Kipper the wiggles and Rubadubas make me super happy

I really love my kids they are awesome. You know when you sit back and look and listen to them and really take in the memories , I love being a parent. My oldest daughter is awesome , my little one is so cute and is just thriving at everything. I really love being a mom. 

Not to mention Ni Hao Kai - Lan is the bomb

I can't loose

I hate it when situtations occur that leave you utterly hanging and in a bad position. I hate it . Anyway I am well a little discouraged , I don't want to loose the opportunity that I have.

Why do they have to be crazy

First off ..for those smart allects...let's define crazy , insane, disturbed

Crazy : brainsick: affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad" /someone deranged and possibly dangerous

Insane: afflicted with or characteristic of mental derangement; "was declared insane"; "insane laughter"

Disturbed : disquieted: afflicted with or marked by anxious uneasiness or trouble or grief; "too upset to say anything"; "spent many disquieted moments"; "distressed about her son's leaving home"; "lapsed into disturbed sleep"; "worried parents"; "a worried frown"; "one last worried check of the sleeping ...//emotionally unstable and having difficulty coping with personal relationships


Now there is this guy, he is handsome , very cool , sexy, multicultural, talented in so many ways. Just the juiciest grape on the tree. Broad shoulders , swimmers build..oh I swoon at the thought of him

But this dude is crazy as hell.

Extremely totally random....The What if moment

Hey readers.. Hope you all are having a wonderful day.

Ever had a what if moment? I mean you're just minding your own business, working, walking to the copier and it dawns on you............

Your mind flashes back to a time in your life and you're like what if?
You think about a guy/girl (for the men) and you think what if?
You think about that job listing you skipped over but had a gut feeling about....what if?
6 months ago you thought about loosing weight and went to the gym but stopped...what if?

The list can go on and I know you get the jist of what I am saying. I am tired of what if - aren't you ( for those it applies to)

Let's get out there and do gang!

Dreams ...are you really too old

Dang it , I am only 34 and already feel like I am on the edge of death..Not really that's a little urhmm much but it's like I had all these dreams and aspirations and all I remember now is , I have a logic class , three papers due, pay for rent , daycare , car payment oh and my daughter needs bras...

I mean when did life take over my life ...ARGGGGGGGhhhhhhh

I really need to get on track with my screenwriting and production classes. I want to take Hollywood by storm and be the next "Twilight" writer or whatever those womenzzzz did.

Anywhoobs people , no matter what this dream never sleeps or dies...If I ever meet him and we fulfill my screenplay then Oh my ...

To dream a dream of dreams - My black women asian man nightmare

Ok so last night I had the weirdest dream. I was engaged and at my fiance's house. His mother was Filipino and his father was white. I was walking around their house and looking at everything. My little one was playing outside with some other  kids and my future mother in law comes running in the door screaming. He's coming , He's coming you need to get ready and she shoved this dress in my face . The dress was a cream colored on the sides and with a solid gold stripe down the middle. She started messing with my hair and put a veil on and told me to put on the dress. I did put it on and it fit me but it was short to my mid thigh and I was not happy about that . I was like I can't wear this in front of all those people. It was too revealing for me and I started scrambling to find something else and couldn't . So people were running everywhere trying to get ready for my wedding and I was like WTH is going on.

My mother in law grabbed me and rushed me to these two huge wooden doors. I was so scared because I have never seen my fiance before. I looked down and my veil covered me but I was embarrased about how short the dress was. I tried to see through the veil but all I could see was the next step I took. I got to the alter and white gloved hands took mine. I looked up and still couldn't see through the veil but I knew he was like real REAL tall. So we made our vows and walked down the aisle . My mother in law grabbed me and took me to another room and had  me put on some clothes and was yelling for me to hurry up so I can go to the party.

I was so nervous because I would see my husband for the first time and I didn't know if I would like him or not. I was lead into huge party room and in the middle of my room was my husband. Sitting on a chair talking to people with his leg over the other.  I was so anxious but I walked so slow trying to prepare myself. I raised my head and to my surprise there he was this huge .....

The girdle in Belk

Ok this town hall meeting was hilarious. Our education director told us this hilarious about girdle, the bathroom , someone stealing her purse and not being able to pull up her girdle trying to chase the culprit.

THAT MADE COMING TO WORK THAT MUCH MORE WORTH WHILE

It's snowing outside and I am at work

So I am sitting at work right and it is snowing outside. Atlanta traffic sucks in any weather but this kind makes it that much worse. So we were supposed to have this "Town Hall " meeting at 2pm then they moved it to 1pm and now it's at 12:30. I wonder what's going to be said eh?

I love it , love it want more of it ...yayah!

Hyphen- isms

Hyphened- Americanism

Does it divide or maintain a nationalist ethnic awareness?

I am a black female living in my country that I was born in which happens to be called America. America seems to be a melting pot of sorts with almost everyone from everywhere making a life for themselves here. I love it! When I first discovered there were other people in the world that did not look like me , I was excited. Too bad it happened during my young adult years.

The premise and or conclusion?

If you were born in America and are considered American by nation why hypen it? I can not say I am African American. I wasn’t born in Africa and only know two African people (well maybe 5) and my ethnic background is very intergrated so I can not say I am really this or that and not include everything else. So am I a bi-racial American? I mean what’s the point? This only seems like a way to:
1- Keep us segregated

2- It’s kind of like how cattle ranchers tag and number their cows at an auction or whatever. For census purposes

3- To me this doesn’t spark an awareness of who someone is and where they come from. Everyone that is white is not from England, everyone that is darker skinned isn’t African, but Asians (which I think Asian men are beautiful ahhhh *sigh*) are from asia and pacific Islanders and Austrailians and stuff like that.

4- I think it maintains barriers . Because don’t you notice that even in America different ethnic groups (in certain states) all live in one area. Hmmmmmm

Anyway, I don’t hate my “own” kind , but really what is it . My mother is mixed ethnically and so is my father. Why should I fall within the confines of what a created society dictated to me (in terms of the subject matter) anyway just blogging on what was on my fripping mind.

Peace , love and organic coconut oil (I would say hair grease but I don’t use that)

First day of..................

Well Well Well...........

Let me introduce myself. I am Melonie haha. There is so much depth I can't even go into it. Meh pfft , well anywhoo this a blog about my every day life, things I don't know and more of course. I will ask you dear readers to help me understand somethings because to be honest I want to understand people before I dub them idiot .

I am an aspiring screenwriter, mother of two , college student and so much more. I want us all to learn and grow together.