Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I want to be in love and I want it to mean something
Your eyes are the door to my heart
I see my reflection in every move you make
Melded together but seperately identifiable
The thought of you sends me spinning out of control
And yet that same thought has me calm and in peace, an undisturbed composure
My eyes ask and you react appropriately
My mind speaks and you listen and answer wisely
Can I ever understand this feeling you give me
A driven drive that leads me to insanity
A Parable told that can not be figured out
In it's purest form it can lead to great freedom
In it's unbridaled ways, it's an unquenchable fire
I don't want to put you out
I want to be in love. I can't remember that last time I was in love. Not my work a holic love. (what can I say , I love what and love work I love to do) Not the love of classic cars , cowboy boot, Frye's and jeans with a white button down shirt, not the love I have for all shades of blue, not the love for my children, but a love that is exchanged with a gaze that makes your heart beat faster. It makes you grin uncontrollably and it makes you do the dumbest things in your eyes.
The kind of love in which you surrender yourself and compromise for someone else. I don't mean losing who you are, but gaining and learning more about who you are. What do I mean (explaining for the hard core independent women) You see, in love, even in friendship, you should honor, revere and expressively show how you feel about the other person. Love my friends is an action. It is what you are compelled to do for another even if it means turning away from them with prayerful hopes that they will come to a realization.
Love is the past , present and future catalyst of the relationship. Love requires seeding, fertilization , watering and constant tending that is never a chore . Love is mutual respect and honor. I would love to be with a guy I respect . That I know I could go to war with and either one of us will fireman's carry the other to safety and go back for our comrads.
What happened to that? I know it exists outside of myself otherwise I wouldn't feel or desire it. I know in a world of twisted images we are spoon fed from birth that there is the truth .
The Truth is Out There
-End X files theme music-
I see my reflection in every move you make
Melded together but seperately identifiable
The thought of you sends me spinning out of control
And yet that same thought has me calm and in peace, an undisturbed composure
My eyes ask and you react appropriately
My mind speaks and you listen and answer wisely
Can I ever understand this feeling you give me
A driven drive that leads me to insanity
A Parable told that can not be figured out
In it's purest form it can lead to great freedom
In it's unbridaled ways, it's an unquenchable fire
I don't want to put you out
I want to be in love. I can't remember that last time I was in love. Not my work a holic love. (what can I say , I love what and love work I love to do) Not the love of classic cars , cowboy boot, Frye's and jeans with a white button down shirt, not the love I have for all shades of blue, not the love for my children, but a love that is exchanged with a gaze that makes your heart beat faster. It makes you grin uncontrollably and it makes you do the dumbest things in your eyes.
The kind of love in which you surrender yourself and compromise for someone else. I don't mean losing who you are, but gaining and learning more about who you are. What do I mean (explaining for the hard core independent women) You see, in love, even in friendship, you should honor, revere and expressively show how you feel about the other person. Love my friends is an action. It is what you are compelled to do for another even if it means turning away from them with prayerful hopes that they will come to a realization.
Love is the past , present and future catalyst of the relationship. Love requires seeding, fertilization , watering and constant tending that is never a chore . Love is mutual respect and honor. I would love to be with a guy I respect . That I know I could go to war with and either one of us will fireman's carry the other to safety and go back for our comrads.
What happened to that? I know it exists outside of myself otherwise I wouldn't feel or desire it. I know in a world of twisted images we are spoon fed from birth that there is the truth .
The Truth is Out There
-End X files theme music-
Ahhhh here we are again my friends. It's Mid-terms for me as well as busy busy busy with other things. I've been thinking alot lately and looking over my life, which for the most part was pretty good. I've made mistakes , some of which have gotten lost in the life shuffle, took some time for me to "learn from them". Along my path I've discovered things about myself that I like and don't like and have decided to be the "Naked Archealogist" and unearth those things , dust them off , examine them and put them away.
Here I am , about to turn 35 years old. When I look at the number I am like, WTFP (what the fudgepops) I'm still young, very young since the life expectancy is actually going to like 100 now, so that makes me15 years to half way there.
My point , people say don't judge her , don't say she's a slut, don't judge him and say he's gay because he wears fab clothes and has arched eyebrows, don't say they will never amount to anything because they came from the wrong side of town. don't judge her because she wears a Hijab she doesn't have a bomb, and don't think that because he's black he's 50 Cent worthy .
So why do people judge me because of my age? Or tell me what I can and can not do because of my age.
Age is just a wall to climb over.
Age is an obstacle that will be overcome
Age is wisdom in knowledge of life
Age is beautiful because you grow with the world around you
Age is a mechanism to humbleness
Age is not a crutch nor an excuse
Age makes me appreciate my mortality
Age reflects the number of years it takes for blind eyes to open
Oh well whatever....... But here's some really cool info!!
www.antiaging-systems.com/ARTICLE.../melatonin-pineal-gland.htm
http://www.therubins.com/aging/proc4.htm
www.antiaging-consultants.us/biologicalage.html
www.healthreviser.com/.../biological-aging-process-not-fixed
www.healthfully.org/health/id18.html
www.healthtopics.ca/.../longevity-anti-aging-–-get-your-biological-age-off-the-freeway/
Here I am , about to turn 35 years old. When I look at the number I am like, WTFP (what the fudgepops) I'm still young, very young since the life expectancy is actually going to like 100 now, so that makes me15 years to half way there.
My point , people say don't judge her , don't say she's a slut, don't judge him and say he's gay because he wears fab clothes and has arched eyebrows, don't say they will never amount to anything because they came from the wrong side of town. don't judge her because she wears a Hijab she doesn't have a bomb, and don't think that because he's black he's 50 Cent worthy .
So why do people judge me because of my age? Or tell me what I can and can not do because of my age.
Age is just a wall to climb over.
Age is an obstacle that will be overcome
Age is wisdom in knowledge of life
Age is beautiful because you grow with the world around you
Age is a mechanism to humbleness
Age is not a crutch nor an excuse
Age makes me appreciate my mortality
Age reflects the number of years it takes for blind eyes to open
Oh well whatever....... But here's some really cool info!!
www.antiaging-systems.com/ARTICLE.../melatonin-pineal-gland.htm
http://www.therubins.com/aging/proc4.htm
www.antiaging-consultants.us/biologicalage.html
www.healthreviser.com/.../biological-aging-process-not-fixed
www.healthfully.org/health/id18.html
www.healthtopics.ca/.../longevity-anti-aging-–-get-your-biological-age-off-the-freeway/
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Film school , Farts and phlanthropy
I am attending the Film Institute at this really cool college. My teacher is pretty cool, I dig her style and the vibe she has. It's like she is trying to bring back the old school way but in a fresh new sense of vision. I really hope to capture that as well and get my own vision or expression of how to film.
As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.
Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol
Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...
As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.
Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol
Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...
Friday, May 7, 2010
No matter how hard I try.............
I know it's cliche' but I really can get this guy off my mind. I miss talking to him because we shared similiar interests and I know he has mad stuff to say that I want to hear. I feel like that was taken from me or stolen maybe. Aish, I wonder if he misses talking to me too...
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wow I guess even the smart ones get Noobed ---
Well after reading my blog and the many posts about this guy I was so into , I realized wow I really liked this guy. And yes ya'll I said LIKED . Yesterday he sends me a very in appropriate text message and at first (because I thought the guy was hot) for a split second my mind went there but then I was like , WTF this is out right disrespectful AND he sent it to me without a second thought. Like so he doesn't give two craps what comes out his mouth when he talks to me nor does he respect me.
WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.
WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
what the hell is wrong with me?
You know not to sound nuts but why do I feel this way about this guy. My heart beats faster when I think of him. I get warm like I am about to faint at the thought of him kissing me. I want to talk to him everyday and here what he's thinking. I think I am raving freaking mad!!!! It's like a fever , like I can't think straight I can't see straight cause all I see is him.
Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:
I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear
Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:
I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear
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