Film school , Farts and phlanthropy

I am attending the Film Institute at this really cool college. My teacher is pretty cool, I dig her style and the vibe she has. It's like she is trying to bring back the old school way but in a fresh new sense of vision. I really hope to capture that as well and get my own vision or expression of  how to film.

As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.

Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol

Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...

No matter how hard I try.............

I know it's cliche' but I really can get this guy off my mind. I miss talking to him because we shared similiar interests and  I know he has mad stuff to say that I want to hear. I feel like that was taken from me or stolen maybe. Aish, I wonder if he misses talking to me too...

Wow I guess even the smart ones get Noobed ---

Well after reading my blog and the many posts about this guy I was so into , I realized wow I really liked this guy. And yes ya'll I said LIKED . Yesterday he sends me a very in appropriate text message and at first (because I thought the guy was hot) for a split second my mind went there but then I was like , WTF this is out right disrespectful AND he sent it to me without a second thought. Like so he doesn't give two craps what comes out his mouth when he talks to me nor does he respect me.

WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.

what the hell is wrong with me?

You know not to sound nuts but why do I feel this way about this guy. My heart beats faster when I think of him.  I get warm like I am about to faint at the thought of him kissing me. I want to talk to him everyday and here what he's thinking. I think I am raving freaking mad!!!! It's like a fever , like I can't think straight I can't see straight cause all I see is him.

Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:

I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear

I loved by accident not really love but it could've gotten to that

Due to the fact I think no one reads my blogs I am going to be utterly transparent.  I met a guy , we talked , met and he blew me away. I think this instance I was caught off guard and excercised little to no restraint on myself and let my emotions like whoa just started letting the butterflies carry me away.

Now mind you, this person was available to me as I was him like all the time everyday so on so forth and all of a sudden poof , he disappears. WTH does that mean? Me I am not in HS anymore. If I don't want to talk to you I will politely text or tell you hey man bugger off. So  how come he just stopped? I don't want to guess or assume and being that I never communicated my feelings to this guy I really can't hold him "responsible" for anything.  But it was nice while it lasted right? Cause its all about attitude.

You know I haven't met a guy who can intellectually stimulate or feel me on some things and it felt damn good talking to someone reciprocate what I was giving and be mature about it. Someone who actually  knew what I was talking about. Oh well, the lot is cast in the lap but the disposing thereof is of the LORD's ,  so here I am again waiting.  Where oh where is Elieazer Lord.
But I sure wish I got to at least kiss him. *sigh*  I am sooo conservative lol

Cougars

To my long distance love..I wait for you

The wind whispers in my ear and I lift my head
Awakening my cold heart
Burnt by the fire of love , waiting to be taken
It speaks of what I have asked eternity for
It answers the cries of my heart
It blows the sound of your voice across my ears
My heart quickens and my hope is renewed
Although where you are and where I am
Maybe far, I now know this burning is not in vain
For I will see love face to face
My waiting is not in vain
and the bleeding of my heart healed
From the gentle wind of your thoughts towards me