Ok ok ok....
I finally got the tickles and giggles for someone. He's funny, talented, fun and I just want to be around him all the time. I mean he is adorable and has the prettiest eyes. But do I have the money to write that check? I've been thinking of him all day.
I also don't want to feel like I am hemming someone up. Which in reality , if they are for "courting" they are exclusive to you and I think he likes his freedom and I can totally respect that. I respect him alot and wouldn't want to push it.
I guess I'll pine from afar until I get the courage to tell him.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Shoo dee bop - hee haw
I realized that after singing the Dixie Chicks , how much I miss Texas. I mean I really do, wide open spaces , friendly folks and all that. Man shoot pickens poop.
Oh and I saw some cute guy that looked like Dashboard Confessional last night, but he ain't no Hank honey.
Oh and I saw some cute guy that looked like Dashboard Confessional last night, but he ain't no Hank honey.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Theatrics of Love , why do you harlequin me?
Well here we go again. I am proactive about everything in my life except......................Putting myself out there for potential mateage. (Is mateage a word?.....not sure )
So, being surrounded by guys almost half my age doesn't help. In this town, where do all of the "ELIGIBLE" (that was for you Caroline Allen) guys ages 24-35 hang out , that doesn't need me to wear a boob billboard and that I can have a decent conversation about transhumanism and the singularity .
Tee Hee, it's all good. I've been proactively "waiting" and that hasn't gotten anywhere. Oh well, meh bleh blah.
So, being surrounded by guys almost half my age doesn't help. In this town, where do all of the "ELIGIBLE" (that was for you Caroline Allen) guys ages 24-35 hang out , that doesn't need me to wear a boob billboard and that I can have a decent conversation about transhumanism and the singularity .
Tee Hee, it's all good. I've been proactively "waiting" and that hasn't gotten anywhere. Oh well, meh bleh blah.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I want to be in love and I want it to mean something
Your eyes are the door to my heart
I see my reflection in every move you make
Melded together but seperately identifiable
The thought of you sends me spinning out of control
And yet that same thought has me calm and in peace, an undisturbed composure
My eyes ask and you react appropriately
My mind speaks and you listen and answer wisely
Can I ever understand this feeling you give me
A driven drive that leads me to insanity
A Parable told that can not be figured out
In it's purest form it can lead to great freedom
In it's unbridaled ways, it's an unquenchable fire
I don't want to put you out
I want to be in love. I can't remember that last time I was in love. Not my work a holic love. (what can I say , I love what and love work I love to do) Not the love of classic cars , cowboy boot, Frye's and jeans with a white button down shirt, not the love I have for all shades of blue, not the love for my children, but a love that is exchanged with a gaze that makes your heart beat faster. It makes you grin uncontrollably and it makes you do the dumbest things in your eyes.
The kind of love in which you surrender yourself and compromise for someone else. I don't mean losing who you are, but gaining and learning more about who you are. What do I mean (explaining for the hard core independent women) You see, in love, even in friendship, you should honor, revere and expressively show how you feel about the other person. Love my friends is an action. It is what you are compelled to do for another even if it means turning away from them with prayerful hopes that they will come to a realization.
Love is the past , present and future catalyst of the relationship. Love requires seeding, fertilization , watering and constant tending that is never a chore . Love is mutual respect and honor. I would love to be with a guy I respect . That I know I could go to war with and either one of us will fireman's carry the other to safety and go back for our comrads.
What happened to that? I know it exists outside of myself otherwise I wouldn't feel or desire it. I know in a world of twisted images we are spoon fed from birth that there is the truth .
The Truth is Out There
-End X files theme music-
I see my reflection in every move you make
Melded together but seperately identifiable
The thought of you sends me spinning out of control
And yet that same thought has me calm and in peace, an undisturbed composure
My eyes ask and you react appropriately
My mind speaks and you listen and answer wisely
Can I ever understand this feeling you give me
A driven drive that leads me to insanity
A Parable told that can not be figured out
In it's purest form it can lead to great freedom
In it's unbridaled ways, it's an unquenchable fire
I don't want to put you out
I want to be in love. I can't remember that last time I was in love. Not my work a holic love. (what can I say , I love what and love work I love to do) Not the love of classic cars , cowboy boot, Frye's and jeans with a white button down shirt, not the love I have for all shades of blue, not the love for my children, but a love that is exchanged with a gaze that makes your heart beat faster. It makes you grin uncontrollably and it makes you do the dumbest things in your eyes.
The kind of love in which you surrender yourself and compromise for someone else. I don't mean losing who you are, but gaining and learning more about who you are. What do I mean (explaining for the hard core independent women) You see, in love, even in friendship, you should honor, revere and expressively show how you feel about the other person. Love my friends is an action. It is what you are compelled to do for another even if it means turning away from them with prayerful hopes that they will come to a realization.
Love is the past , present and future catalyst of the relationship. Love requires seeding, fertilization , watering and constant tending that is never a chore . Love is mutual respect and honor. I would love to be with a guy I respect . That I know I could go to war with and either one of us will fireman's carry the other to safety and go back for our comrads.
What happened to that? I know it exists outside of myself otherwise I wouldn't feel or desire it. I know in a world of twisted images we are spoon fed from birth that there is the truth .
The Truth is Out There
-End X files theme music-
Ahhhh here we are again my friends. It's Mid-terms for me as well as busy busy busy with other things. I've been thinking alot lately and looking over my life, which for the most part was pretty good. I've made mistakes , some of which have gotten lost in the life shuffle, took some time for me to "learn from them". Along my path I've discovered things about myself that I like and don't like and have decided to be the "Naked Archealogist" and unearth those things , dust them off , examine them and put them away.
Here I am , about to turn 35 years old. When I look at the number I am like, WTFP (what the fudgepops) I'm still young, very young since the life expectancy is actually going to like 100 now, so that makes me15 years to half way there.
My point , people say don't judge her , don't say she's a slut, don't judge him and say he's gay because he wears fab clothes and has arched eyebrows, don't say they will never amount to anything because they came from the wrong side of town. don't judge her because she wears a Hijab she doesn't have a bomb, and don't think that because he's black he's 50 Cent worthy .
So why do people judge me because of my age? Or tell me what I can and can not do because of my age.
Age is just a wall to climb over.
Age is an obstacle that will be overcome
Age is wisdom in knowledge of life
Age is beautiful because you grow with the world around you
Age is a mechanism to humbleness
Age is not a crutch nor an excuse
Age makes me appreciate my mortality
Age reflects the number of years it takes for blind eyes to open
Oh well whatever....... But here's some really cool info!!
www.antiaging-systems.com/ARTICLE.../melatonin-pineal-gland.htm
http://www.therubins.com/aging/proc4.htm
www.antiaging-consultants.us/biologicalage.html
www.healthreviser.com/.../biological-aging-process-not-fixed
www.healthfully.org/health/id18.html
www.healthtopics.ca/.../longevity-anti-aging-–-get-your-biological-age-off-the-freeway/
Here I am , about to turn 35 years old. When I look at the number I am like, WTFP (what the fudgepops) I'm still young, very young since the life expectancy is actually going to like 100 now, so that makes me15 years to half way there.
My point , people say don't judge her , don't say she's a slut, don't judge him and say he's gay because he wears fab clothes and has arched eyebrows, don't say they will never amount to anything because they came from the wrong side of town. don't judge her because she wears a Hijab she doesn't have a bomb, and don't think that because he's black he's 50 Cent worthy .
So why do people judge me because of my age? Or tell me what I can and can not do because of my age.
Age is just a wall to climb over.
Age is an obstacle that will be overcome
Age is wisdom in knowledge of life
Age is beautiful because you grow with the world around you
Age is a mechanism to humbleness
Age is not a crutch nor an excuse
Age makes me appreciate my mortality
Age reflects the number of years it takes for blind eyes to open
Oh well whatever....... But here's some really cool info!!
www.antiaging-systems.com/ARTICLE.../melatonin-pineal-gland.htm
http://www.therubins.com/aging/proc4.htm
www.antiaging-consultants.us/biologicalage.html
www.healthreviser.com/.../biological-aging-process-not-fixed
www.healthfully.org/health/id18.html
www.healthtopics.ca/.../longevity-anti-aging-–-get-your-biological-age-off-the-freeway/
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Film school , Farts and phlanthropy
I am attending the Film Institute at this really cool college. My teacher is pretty cool, I dig her style and the vibe she has. It's like she is trying to bring back the old school way but in a fresh new sense of vision. I really hope to capture that as well and get my own vision or expression of how to film.
As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.
Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol
Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...
As far as love goes, I think Cupid farted on me and left some smelly love gas that repels people..jk . I like someone but I am at a stage where I want to run, Normally I do this when it gets way to deep or it's about to. He's a good guy, I have a guy feeling though he has a "collective" and is still probably trying to figure things out himself. SO I want to give him space but how much? I am real quick so sever relationships and move on, only to find out things weren't like how I thought they were at all , and I should've waited.
Anyway, whoever he chooses to be with better to realize the gifts in him and the prize he is. He is a great guy overall. I hope I have the opportunity to grow with him because face it , no matter how old you get you are always learning , always growing , you'll never have it down because things change and I want to eb with the flow ...lol
Oh well, hey regardless I am grateful to have known him. This isn't a good bye letter , it's just a hey man you know I like you , I'll give you space but don't let me fade away while I'm waiting...
Friday, May 7, 2010
No matter how hard I try.............
I know it's cliche' but I really can get this guy off my mind. I miss talking to him because we shared similiar interests and I know he has mad stuff to say that I want to hear. I feel like that was taken from me or stolen maybe. Aish, I wonder if he misses talking to me too...
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wow I guess even the smart ones get Noobed ---
Well after reading my blog and the many posts about this guy I was so into , I realized wow I really liked this guy. And yes ya'll I said LIKED . Yesterday he sends me a very in appropriate text message and at first (because I thought the guy was hot) for a split second my mind went there but then I was like , WTF this is out right disrespectful AND he sent it to me without a second thought. Like so he doesn't give two craps what comes out his mouth when he talks to me nor does he respect me.
WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.
WOW , at this moment I stake my claim and take my ground, cause homie you gets DELETED.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
what the hell is wrong with me?
You know not to sound nuts but why do I feel this way about this guy. My heart beats faster when I think of him. I get warm like I am about to faint at the thought of him kissing me. I want to talk to him everyday and here what he's thinking. I think I am raving freaking mad!!!! It's like a fever , like I can't think straight I can't see straight cause all I see is him.
Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:
I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear
Why is he on my mind so much? Why am I so flustered ? It's like Tatyana's letter to Onegin:
I write to you, it is all I can do. And now I know it is in your power to punish my presuming heart. Yet if you have one drop of pity, you'll not abandon me to my unhappy fate. I am in love with you and I must tell you this or my heart, my heart which belongs to you, will surely break. I would never have revealed my shame to you, if just once a week I might see you. Exchange a word or two and then think day and night of one thing alone til our next meeting. But you're unsociable, they say, that the country bores you. Is it true? Does the country bore you? Sometimes I wonder that you ever visited us. Why, I'd never have known you or known this agony and fever. I know that all my life's been leading me to this union with you. I recognised you at first sight and knew with certainty. I said to myself, It's him, he has come. Help me, resolve my doubts. Perhaps all this is nonsence, emptiness, a delusion and quite another fate awaits me. Imagine it, I'm here alone half out of my mind. I dread to read this over, my secret longing. I know that I can trust your honour, though I feel faint from shame and fear
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I loved by accident not really love but it could've gotten to that
Due to the fact I think no one reads my blogs I am going to be utterly transparent. I met a guy , we talked , met and he blew me away. I think this instance I was caught off guard and excercised little to no restraint on myself and let my emotions like whoa just started letting the butterflies carry me away.
Now mind you, this person was available to me as I was him like all the time everyday so on so forth and all of a sudden poof , he disappears. WTH does that mean? Me I am not in HS anymore. If I don't want to talk to you I will politely text or tell you hey man bugger off. So how come he just stopped? I don't want to guess or assume and being that I never communicated my feelings to this guy I really can't hold him "responsible" for anything. But it was nice while it lasted right? Cause its all about attitude.
You know I haven't met a guy who can intellectually stimulate or feel me on some things and it felt damn good talking to someone reciprocate what I was giving and be mature about it. Someone who actually knew what I was talking about. Oh well, the lot is cast in the lap but the disposing thereof is of the LORD's , so here I am again waiting. Where oh where is Elieazer Lord.
But I sure wish I got to at least kiss him. *sigh* I am sooo conservative lol
Now mind you, this person was available to me as I was him like all the time everyday so on so forth and all of a sudden poof , he disappears. WTH does that mean? Me I am not in HS anymore. If I don't want to talk to you I will politely text or tell you hey man bugger off. So how come he just stopped? I don't want to guess or assume and being that I never communicated my feelings to this guy I really can't hold him "responsible" for anything. But it was nice while it lasted right? Cause its all about attitude.
You know I haven't met a guy who can intellectually stimulate or feel me on some things and it felt damn good talking to someone reciprocate what I was giving and be mature about it. Someone who actually knew what I was talking about. Oh well, the lot is cast in the lap but the disposing thereof is of the LORD's , so here I am again waiting. Where oh where is Elieazer Lord.
But I sure wish I got to at least kiss him. *sigh* I am sooo conservative lol
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
To my long distance love..I wait for you
The wind whispers in my ear and I lift my head
Awakening my cold heart
Burnt by the fire of love , waiting to be taken
It speaks of what I have asked eternity for
It answers the cries of my heart
It blows the sound of your voice across my ears
My heart quickens and my hope is renewed
Although where you are and where I am
Maybe far, I now know this burning is not in vain
For I will see love face to face
My waiting is not in vain
and the bleeding of my heart healed
From the gentle wind of your thoughts towards me
Awakening my cold heart
Burnt by the fire of love , waiting to be taken
It speaks of what I have asked eternity for
It answers the cries of my heart
It blows the sound of your voice across my ears
My heart quickens and my hope is renewed
Although where you are and where I am
Maybe far, I now know this burning is not in vain
For I will see love face to face
My waiting is not in vain
and the bleeding of my heart healed
From the gentle wind of your thoughts towards me
what a great day I tell ya
Moving on to new things and new horizons . A positive outlook and time to get a budge together. Time to work on my debt snowball. Make more time to spend with the LORD. Here HIS voice.
Friday, March 19, 2010
A poem I dedicate to my unseen love
It takes faith great faith
To love someone you've never met
To think of them
To yearn for them
To sit and wonder what their thinking
Are you thinking of me?
I think of you often
How was your day , what did you eat
How will you react when you see me
Surprised or angry
As the years have gone by
Even when I dated others
I thought of you and felt like I cheated
I am sure you have done the same
If not it's ok , I am still waiting
How much longer will it be?
I don't know but I am anxious
I want to touch your face and brush your lips
I want to feel your arms around me and rest
In your embrace
I want to get lost in your eyes
Forget where I am
I want to be pulled into you
Feel your lips and loose it
Just loose it
I want to know your soul
I want to discern you
Just want to let you know
I thought of you today
To love someone you've never met
To think of them
To yearn for them
To sit and wonder what their thinking
Are you thinking of me?
I think of you often
How was your day , what did you eat
How will you react when you see me
Surprised or angry
As the years have gone by
Even when I dated others
I thought of you and felt like I cheated
I am sure you have done the same
If not it's ok , I am still waiting
How much longer will it be?
I don't know but I am anxious
I want to touch your face and brush your lips
I want to feel your arms around me and rest
In your embrace
I want to get lost in your eyes
Forget where I am
I want to be pulled into you
Feel your lips and loose it
Just loose it
I want to know your soul
I want to discern you
Just want to let you know
I thought of you today
The hopeless hopeful romantic
I was driving to work this morning thinking how it will be when I meet someone who truly knocks me off my feet. Not only an attractive guy but someone who pulls on me in a non physical way. I have only met one guy that did that and I know if he even so much as brushed my lips with his I would've fainted.
I wonder if there are other hopeless romantics out there. My definition of a romantic is someone who isn't driven by feelings, serious physical/sexual attraction but driven by something deeper. The romantic whirlwind that drove men to write poetry and women to sigh in agony. Not because your hot in the pants and need to get your rocks off, but because there is this force , this fire , a raging storm that brews within that you just can't seem to put out , but the other person can , they are the remedy.
I for one hope and pray that before JESUS comes back that I can meet the person that does that. I want it like the olden days. Hell I think it would be cool if I met a guy who made me faint and he caught me . Ahh the agony of it ...Well I've been waiting for a long time let's see how much longer it'll be.
I wonder if there are other hopeless romantics out there. My definition of a romantic is someone who isn't driven by feelings, serious physical/sexual attraction but driven by something deeper. The romantic whirlwind that drove men to write poetry and women to sigh in agony. Not because your hot in the pants and need to get your rocks off, but because there is this force , this fire , a raging storm that brews within that you just can't seem to put out , but the other person can , they are the remedy.
I for one hope and pray that before JESUS comes back that I can meet the person that does that. I want it like the olden days. Hell I think it would be cool if I met a guy who made me faint and he caught me . Ahh the agony of it ...Well I've been waiting for a long time let's see how much longer it'll be.
Uninvited
Ladies and Gents-
I have really be thinking about that song Alanis Morrisette sings called Univited. It's basically about a man who is pursuing her and she (in her song) is very honest with him and herself (verse. Like any hot blooded woman , I am flattered by your fascination with me) and it got me to thinking . The majority of people now a days are not taught the value of each other. I really think that is why so many relationships fail. What am I saying.....
I have faults we all do, but I have hidden diamond underneath all that coal so how much harder is it for a guy to dig those up and harvest the diamonds while see the shine through the faults right? Same goes for women. I think there is such a lack of vision and I don't mean "I want to be the best artist in the world" type of vision , I mean the kind of when you meet someone you like that you look at them , really look at them and make a decision at that moment whether or not you want to follow through and base it on the hidden gems .
You may ask, well how can you see all that cause people are fake and blah blah blah. It's not hard ya'll you just have to stop and look. I certainly hope to meet such a man, who's vision is clean and pure and can see the ginormous diamond in me waiting for both of us to find it. Hopeless romantic am I ...........totally that is the topic of my next blog see you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have really be thinking about that song Alanis Morrisette sings called Univited. It's basically about a man who is pursuing her and she (in her song) is very honest with him and herself (verse. Like any hot blooded woman , I am flattered by your fascination with me) and it got me to thinking . The majority of people now a days are not taught the value of each other. I really think that is why so many relationships fail. What am I saying.....
I have faults we all do, but I have hidden diamond underneath all that coal so how much harder is it for a guy to dig those up and harvest the diamonds while see the shine through the faults right? Same goes for women. I think there is such a lack of vision and I don't mean "I want to be the best artist in the world" type of vision , I mean the kind of when you meet someone you like that you look at them , really look at them and make a decision at that moment whether or not you want to follow through and base it on the hidden gems .
You may ask, well how can you see all that cause people are fake and blah blah blah. It's not hard ya'll you just have to stop and look. I certainly hope to meet such a man, who's vision is clean and pure and can see the ginormous diamond in me waiting for both of us to find it. Hopeless romantic am I ...........totally that is the topic of my next blog see you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Just stop reminding me
I am a woman. Gave birth twice but during this time of the month I really hate being reminded. Oh the agony ..Anywhoo today is a great day, feeling a little better. I have been really distracted lately and need to seriously get back on track. It felt like life was moving too fast for me the past two weeks and I can't function. Man I need a truck load of coffee and prayer
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Kipper the wiggles and Rubadubas make me super happy
I really love my kids they are awesome. You know when you sit back and look and listen to them and really take in the memories , I love being a parent. My oldest daughter is awesome , my little one is so cute and is just thriving at everything. I really love being a mom.
Not to mention Ni Hao Kai - Lan is the bomb
Not to mention Ni Hao Kai - Lan is the bomb
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I can't loose
I hate it when situtations occur that leave you utterly hanging and in a bad position. I hate it . Anyway I am well a little discouraged , I don't want to loose the opportunity that I have.
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